Retiring abroad is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make as a couple—and unlike choosing a restaurant or planning a vacation, this decision requires both partners to be genuinely on board. The stakes are high: you’re not just changing your address, you’re transforming your entire lifestyle, leaving behind familiar support systems, and embarking on an adventure that will test and potentially strengthen your relationship in ways you can’t fully anticipate.
This guide addresses the real challenges couples face when considering Boquete, from navigating different levels of enthusiasm to maintaining your relationship during the transition. Whether you’re both excited, one partner is hesitant, or you’re somewhere in between, this comprehensive resource will help you make this decision together—not just as individuals who happen to be married.
The Reality: Most Couples Aren’t Equally Enthusiastic
Let’s start with an uncomfortable truth: in most couples considering a move to Boquete, one partner is significantly more excited than the other. This is completely normal, but it requires honest acknowledgment and careful navigation.
Common Scenarios
The Enthusiast and The Skeptic One partner has been researching Boquete for months, watching YouTube videos, joining Facebook groups, and dreaming about mountain views. The other partner is politely supportive but internally anxious about leaving grandchildren, friends, familiar doctors, and the comfort of home.
The Adventurer and The Homebody One partner thrives on change and new experiences. The other finds security and happiness in routine, familiar places, and established relationships. Both are valid personality types, but they approach major life changes very differently.
The Planner and The Worrier One partner sees opportunities and solutions. The other sees risks and potential problems. Both perspectives are valuable, but they can create tension when making big decisions.
The Ready and The Not-Yet-Ready One partner is ready to retire and start a new chapter immediately. The other isn’t ready to leave their career, feels too young for retirement, or wants to wait until certain milestones are reached (grandchildren born, mortgage paid off, etc.).
Why This Matters
Moving to Boquete when one partner is significantly less enthusiastic creates several risks:
- Resentment: The reluctant partner may blame the enthusiastic partner if challenges arise
- Relationship strain: The transition stress amplifies when partners aren’t united
- Premature return: Many couples return home within the first year when one partner never truly bought in
- Guilt and regret: The enthusiastic partner may feel guilty for “dragging” their spouse along
- Missed opportunities: The reluctant partner may refuse to engage, limiting both partners’ experiences
The goal isn’t to have identical enthusiasm levels—that’s unrealistic. The goal is to reach genuine mutual agreement, where both partners feel heard, respected, and willing to commit to making it work.
When One Partner Is Ready and One Isn’t
This is perhaps the most challenging scenario, and it requires patience, empathy, and strategic problem-solving.
Understanding the Reluctance
Before trying to convince your partner, genuinely understand their hesitation. Common concerns include:
Fear of the Unknown
- Anxiety about language barriers
- Worry about healthcare quality
- Concern about safety and security
- Uncertainty about making friends
- Fear of isolation from family
Attachment to Current Life
- Deep connections to grandchildren
- Established friendships and community
- Involvement in meaningful activities or organizations
- Comfort with familiar routines and places
- Professional identity not ready to release
Practical Concerns
- Financial security worries
- Questions about reversibility of the decision
- Concern about property management back home
- Uncertainty about legal and immigration processes
- Worry about one partner’s specific needs (medical, social, etc.)
Personality Factors
- Lower tolerance for ambiguity and change
- Stronger need for security and predictability
- Less adventurous temperament
- Greater attachment to physical place
- Different vision of ideal retirement
What NOT to Do
Don’t dismiss or minimize their concerns “You’re worrying about nothing” or “You’ll be fine once we get there” invalidates their feelings and creates defensiveness.
Don’t pressure or issue ultimatums “I’m going with or without you” may feel like it forces a decision, but it damages trust and creates resentment.
Don’t make unilateral decisions Booking extended stays, making deposits, or committing to plans without genuine agreement undermines partnership.
Don’t compare them to others “The Johnsons moved abroad and they’re fine” suggests your partner’s concerns are invalid or that they’re somehow deficient.
Don’t rush the process Major life decisions require time. Pushing for quick decisions often backfires.
What TO Do
Listen deeply and validate “I hear that you’re worried about being far from the grandkids. That’s a legitimate concern and I share it too. Let’s talk about how we might address that.”
Acknowledge the sacrifice “I know this move would be harder for you than for me because of your close friendships here. I want to honor that and make sure we’re making this decision together.”
Address concerns systematically Create a list of all concerns and research solutions together. Many fears diminish when addressed with concrete information and plans.
Propose incremental steps Rather than “let’s move to Boquete,” suggest “let’s visit for two weeks and see how we both feel.” Lower-stakes steps reduce pressure.
Identify what would make them comfortable Ask: “What would need to be true for you to feel good about this move?” Then work together toward those conditions.
Consider compromise timelines “What if we wait two more years until after Sarah’s wedding?” or “What if we try it for one year with the understanding we can return home if it’s not working?”
Explore underlying needs Sometimes the stated concern isn’t the real issue. The reluctance to leave grandchildren might actually be fear of losing purpose or identity. Understanding the deeper need allows for better solutions.
Seek professional help if needed A couples therapist or retirement coach can facilitate productive conversations and help navigate impasses.
The Power of Trial Stays for Couples
Trial stays are the single most effective tool for couples navigating different enthusiasm levels. They provide real experience rather than theoretical discussions, and they often resolve concerns or reveal deal-breakers before major commitments are made.
Designing Effective Trial Stays
First Visit: The Introduction (1-2 weeks)
Purpose: Get a feel for Boquete, see if it resonates at all, gather initial impressions.
What to do:
- Stay in a comfortable vacation rental in town center
- Take a guided expat tour if available
- Attend a newcomer coffee or expat event
- Explore the town and surrounding areas
- Visit during dry season for best first impression
- Eat at restaurants, shop at markets
- Talk to expats about their experiences
- Keep expectations realistic—this is just an introduction
What NOT to do:
- Don’t make any decisions or commitments
- Don’t over-schedule—leave time to just be there
- Don’t only talk to expats—observe local life too
- Don’t expect to fall in love immediately
After the visit:
- Discuss honestly: What did each of you like? What concerned you?
- Identify what you’d want to explore more deeply next time
- Decide together whether a second visit makes sense
Second Visit: The Reality Check (3-4 weeks)
Purpose: Experience more of daily life, test different scenarios, dig deeper into concerns.
What to do:
- Visit during rainy season to see the full picture
- Rent in a residential area, not just tourist center
- Establish some routines (grocery shopping, cooking, etc.)
- Attend multiple community activities and groups
- Visit healthcare facilities and meet doctors
- Explore different neighborhoods and housing options
- Spend time apart pursuing individual interests
- Have some challenging days (bad weather, frustrations)
- Meet with lawyers, real estate agents, other professionals
- Talk to couples who’ve made the move
What NOT to do:
- Don’t stay in vacation mode—live more normally
- Don’t avoid difficult conversations about what you’re experiencing
- Don’t make major financial commitments yet
After the visit:
- Discuss: Can you both see yourselves living here?
- What would need to change or be addressed?
- Are the reluctant partner’s concerns being resolved or intensifying?
- What additional information or experiences do you need?
Third Visit: The Trial Run (2-3 months)
Purpose: Simulate actual retirement life, test the relationship under new circumstances, make informed decision.
What to do:
- Rent furnished place for 2-3 months
- Live on your projected retirement budget
- Establish regular routines and activities
- Make friends and build community connections
- Handle practical challenges (banking, shopping, services)
- Spend extended time together in new environment
- Pursue individual interests and hobbies
- Experience both social engagement and quiet time
- Navigate frustrations and cultural differences
- Have regular check-ins about how each partner is feeling
What NOT to do:
- Don’t avoid problems or pretend everything is perfect
- Don’t spend the whole time with other expats
- Don’t ignore warning signs in your relationship or individual adjustment
After the visit:
- This is decision time: Are you both genuinely willing to commit?
- What conditions or agreements do you need in place?
- What’s your timeline and action plan?
- What’s your exit strategy if it doesn’t work out?
Making Trial Stays Work for Your Relationship
Set clear expectations beforehand Agree on what you’re trying to learn, how you’ll make decisions, and how you’ll handle disagreements during the visit.
Schedule regular check-ins Set aside time every few days to discuss how each partner is feeling, what’s working, and what concerns are arising.
Pursue both joint and individual activities You need to test both togetherness and independence in this new environment.
Be honest in the moment If something bothers you, say so. Don’t wait until you’re back home to reveal that you were miserable the whole time.
Give it a fair chance The reluctant partner should genuinely try to engage and imagine life there, not just collect evidence for why it won’t work.
Respect the veto If after a genuine trial, one partner truly can’t see themselves being happy there, the answer is no. Forcing it will damage your relationship.
Compromise and Communication: The Foundation
Successful international relocation as a couple requires exceptional communication and willingness to compromise. Here’s how to navigate this together:
Creating a Decision-Making Framework
Identify Your Non-Negotiables Each partner lists their absolute requirements and deal-breakers. These might include:
- Proximity to grandchildren (within X hours flight)
- Quality healthcare access
- Ability to maintain certain hobbies or activities
- Financial security parameters
- Climate preferences
- Social opportunities
- Safety and security standards
Find the Overlap Where do your non-negotiables align? These become your shared criteria for decision-making.
Negotiate the Differences Where you differ, explore creative solutions:
- “I need to see grandchildren regularly” + “I want to live abroad” = “We spend 3-4 months per year back home”
- “I need robust healthcare” + “I want mountain living” = “We live in Boquete but near David’s hospitals”
- “I need my golf” + “I want cultural immersion” = “We choose location with golf access and Spanish lessons”
Establish Decision Rules Agree on how you’ll make decisions:
- Both partners must be at least 7/10 comfortable with major decisions
- Either partner can call for a pause to gather more information
- Concerns must be voiced, not suppressed
- Regular check-ins to reassess decisions
Communication Strategies for the Journey
Schedule Regular “State of the Union” Conversations Set aside dedicated time weekly or biweekly to discuss:
- How is each partner feeling about the potential move?
- What new information or concerns have emerged?
- What progress have we made?
- What do we need to address next?
Use “I” Statements
- “I feel anxious about healthcare” rather than “You’re not taking my health concerns seriously”
- “I’m excited about this adventure” rather than “You’re being negative about everything”
Practice Active Listening
- Repeat back what you heard: “So you’re saying you’re worried about losing your identity outside of your career?”
- Ask clarifying questions: “Help me understand what specifically concerns you about making friends there”
- Validate before problem-solving: “That makes sense that you’d feel that way”
Acknowledge Different Processing Styles
- Some people need to talk through decisions; others need quiet reflection time
- Some people research extensively; others prefer to experience and adapt
- Some people decide quickly; others need extended time
- Honor these differences rather than judging them
Address Resentment Early If one partner feels they’re sacrificing more, address it directly:
- “I know this move is harder for you because of your close friendships. What can I do to support you through that?”
- “I appreciate that you’re willing to try this even though you’re more hesitant. How can I honor that?”
Create Space for Doubt Both partners should feel safe expressing concerns without being labeled as “negative” or “not committed.”
Celebrate Agreement When you reach decisions together, acknowledge the teamwork: “I’m glad we figured this out together” or “This feels like a good decision for both of us.”
Maintaining Your Relationship During the Transition
The stress of international relocation can strain even strong relationships. Here’s how to protect and strengthen your partnership through the process:
Before the Move
Acknowledge the Stress Recognize that this transition will be challenging and commit to supporting each other through it.
Divide Responsibilities Fairly Create a task list and divide it based on strengths, interests, and availability. Avoid one partner doing everything while the other remains passive.
Maintain Your Relationship Rituals Don’t let planning consume all your time together. Keep date nights, shared hobbies, and quality time protected.
Support Each Other’s Goodbyes One partner may have more difficult goodbyes (leaving career, close friends, community involvement). The other partner should actively support these transitions.
Manage Family Reactions Together Present a united front to family members who may be critical or concerned. Don’t let family members drive a wedge between you.
Keep Perspective Remember why you’re doing this and what you hope to gain as a couple.
During the First Months
Expect Different Adjustment Timelines One partner may adapt quickly while the other struggles. This is normal and doesn’t mean the decision was wrong.
Check In Daily “How are you doing today?” with genuine interest and without judgment.
Support Different Coping Strategies One partner may need more social engagement; the other may need more alone time. Both are valid.
Tackle Challenges as a Team “We have a problem” rather than “You created a problem” or “This is your fault.”
Celebrate Small Wins Together Successfully navigating the bank, making a new friend, finding a great restaurant—acknowledge these victories.
Maintain Physical Affection Stress can reduce intimacy. Consciously maintain physical connection through hugs, hand-holding, and affection.
Create New Rituals Together Morning coffee on the terrace, Tuesday market visits, sunset walks—build new shared experiences.
Allow Space for Homesickness Both partners may experience waves of missing home. Create space to acknowledge this without it meaning the move was a mistake.
Don’t Blame Each Other When things go wrong (and they will), resist the urge to blame your partner for suggesting the move or for not researching enough.
Schedule Fun Don’t let every day be about logistics and problem-solving. Intentionally plan enjoyable experiences together.
Ongoing Relationship Maintenance
Pursue Both Joint and Individual Interests You need togetherness and independence. Support each other in developing separate friendships and activities.
Manage Increased Togetherness Retirement plus international relocation often means dramatically more time together. This can be wonderful or suffocating depending on how you manage it.
Strategies for healthy togetherness:
- Establish some separate routines and activities
- Create physical space in your home for individual pursuits
- Respect each other’s need for alone time
- Don’t expect your partner to be your only social connection
Navigate Social Differences One partner may be more social or make friends more easily. This can create imbalance and resentment if not addressed.
Strategies:
- The more social partner should include the other but not force constant socializing
- The less social partner should make some effort to engage
- Develop both couple friendships and individual friendships
- Don’t criticize your partner’s social style
Handle Disagreements Constructively You’ll disagree about how to handle situations in your new home. Develop healthy conflict resolution:
- Take breaks when discussions get heated
- Focus on the issue, not character attacks
- Look for compromise solutions
- Agree to disagree on some things
- Don’t let disagreements fester
Reassess Regularly Every 3-6 months, have an honest conversation:
- How is each partner feeling about life in Boquete?
- What’s working well for our relationship?
- What needs adjustment?
- Are we both still committed to making this work?
Seek Help When Needed If relationship strain becomes serious, don’t wait:
- Online couples therapy is readily available
- Some therapists in Panama City work with expats
- Relationship books and resources can help
- Talking to other expat couples who’ve navigated similar challenges
Remember Your “Why” Regularly reconnect with why you made this decision together and what you hoped to gain as a couple.
Special Scenarios and How to Navigate Them
When One Partner Has Health Issues
The Challenge: Healthcare concerns may make the reluctant partner even more hesitant, or the healthy partner may feel guilty about suggesting a move.
Strategies:
- Research healthcare thoroughly and visit facilities together
- Meet with doctors in David or Panama City who can address specific conditions
- Ensure medications are available
- Have clear emergency and evacuation plans
- Consider proximity to quality healthcare in housing decisions
- Get comprehensive health insurance
- The partner with health issues should have veto power if they don’t feel safe
When One Partner Is Still Working
The Challenge: Different retirement timelines can create tension about when to move.
Strategies:
- Consider whether remote work from Boquete is possible
- Explore phased retirement options
- Agree on a specific timeline: “We’ll move when you turn 65” or “We’ll move after your project ends”
- The working partner might visit Boquete during vacations while the retired partner does extended stays
- Consider whether the working partner truly needs to work or is avoiding retirement
When Grandchildren Are a Major Factor
The Challenge: One or both partners may struggle with being far from grandchildren.
Strategies:
- Commit to specific visit schedules (e.g., 3-4 months per year back home)
- Budget for frequent flights
- Use technology for regular video calls
- Invite grandchildren to visit Boquete
- Consider whether proximity to grandchildren is truly a non-negotiable
- Recognize that grandchildren grow up and needs change
- Some couples find they see grandchildren MORE after moving because visits are more intentional
When One Partner Is More Social
The Challenge: The social partner thrives while the less social partner feels dragged to events or left behind.
Strategies:
- The social partner pursues some activities independently
- The less social partner commits to some regular social engagement
- Find activities both partners enjoy
- Don’t criticize each other’s social needs
- Create balance between couple time, social time, and individual time
When Financial Views Differ
The Challenge: One partner is comfortable with the financial plan; the other is anxious about money.
Strategies:
- Work with financial advisor to create detailed retirement plan
- Establish clear budget and spending agreements
- The anxious partner’s concerns should be taken seriously
- Build larger emergency fund if it provides peace of mind
- Regular financial check-ins to ensure you’re on track
- Consider trial period with option to return if finances don’t work
When One Partner Wants to Return Home
The Challenge: After moving, one partner is unhappy and wants to return while the other is thriving.
Strategies:
- Agree beforehand on how long you’ll give it (minimum 6-12 months)
- Identify what specifically isn’t working and whether it’s addressable
- The unhappy partner should genuinely try to engage, not just wait it out
- The happy partner should take concerns seriously, not dismiss them
- Consider compromises: different location in Panama, split time between countries, etc.
- If one partner is genuinely miserable after a fair trial, returning may be necessary
- Relationship is more important than location
Questions to Discuss Before Making the Decision
Work through these questions together, giving each partner space to answer honestly:
Vision and Expectations
- What does each of us hope to gain from moving to Boquete?
- What does our ideal day look like there?
- What does our ideal week look like?
- How do we envision spending our time?
- What activities or pursuits are we each excited about?
- What are we each willing to give up or leave behind?
Practical Matters
- What’s our realistic budget, and are we both comfortable with it?
- How often do we want to return to our home country?
- How will we handle healthcare needs?
- What type of housing do we each prefer?
- How important is proximity to other expats vs. local integration?
- Do we want to rent or buy, and when?
- What’s our plan if one of us becomes seriously ill?
- What’s our plan if one of us passes away?
Relationship Dynamics
- How much time together vs. apart do we each need?
- What individual activities will each of us pursue?
- What shared activities do we want to do together?
- How will we handle increased togetherness?
- How will we make new friends as a couple and individually?
- What will we do if we disagree about major decisions once we’re there?
Family and Social Connections
- How will we maintain relationships with family and friends back home?
- How do we each feel about being far from grandchildren/family?
- What’s our plan for family emergencies back home?
- How will we handle family members who are critical of our decision?
- What role do we want our home country to continue playing in our lives?
Commitment and Exit Strategy
- On a scale of 1-10, how committed is each of us to making this work?
- What would make each of us want to return home?
- How long will we commit to trying before reassessing?
- What does our exit strategy look like if it doesn’t work out?
- How will we make the decision to stay or return?
Personal Growth and Change
- How do we each handle change and uncertainty?
- What support does each of us need during difficult transitions?
- How will we support each other if one of us struggles more than the other?
- What personal growth do we each hope for?
- How will we celebrate successes and handle setbacks together?
Creating Your Couple’s Relocation Agreement
Consider creating a written agreement that outlines your shared commitments and understandings. This isn’t a legal document—it’s a relationship tool that ensures you’re aligned. Include:
Our Shared Vision
- Why we’re making this move
- What we hope to gain as individuals and as a couple
- Our core values guiding this decision
Our Commitments to Each Other
- How we’ll support each other through challenges
- How we’ll communicate about concerns
- How we’ll make decisions together
- How we’ll maintain our relationship during transition
Our Practical Agreements
- Budget and financial parameters
- Housing preferences and timeline
- Visit schedule back home
- Healthcare plans
- Timeline for reassessment
Our Exit Strategy
- Conditions under which we’d consider returning
- How we’ll make that decision
- Minimum time we’ll commit to trying
- How we’ll handle disagreement about staying vs. returning
Our Individual Needs
- Partner A’s non-negotiables and important needs
- Partner B’s non-negotiables and important needs
- How we’ll honor both sets of needs
Review and update this agreement every 6-12 months as your experience evolves.
Red Flags: When NOT to Move to Boquete as a Couple
Sometimes the answer should be “no” or “not now.” Consider postponing or abandoning the plan if:
- One partner is genuinely opposed and only agreeing under pressure
- Your relationship is already strained and you’re hoping the move will fix it (it won’t—it will amplify existing problems)
- You’re running away from problems rather than moving toward something positive
- You haven’t done adequate research or trial visits and are making an impulsive decision
- You can’t afford it without creating serious financial stress
- One partner has serious health issues that can’t be adequately managed in Panama
- You have critical family obligations that require your presence (aging parents, grandchildren you’re raising, etc.)
- You fundamentally disagree on vision, lifestyle, or expectations and haven’t resolved those differences
- One partner is sacrificing something essential to their wellbeing or identity
The Path Forward: Making the Decision Together
If You’re Both Enthusiastic
Your advantages:
- Shared excitement energizes the process
- Mutual support through challenges
- Aligned vision makes decisions easier
Your risks:
- May overlook potential problems in your enthusiasm
- Might not prepare adequately for challenges
- Could face disappointment together if reality doesn’t match expectations
Your action plan:
- Channel enthusiasm into thorough preparation
- Do trial visits to reality-test your excitement
- Prepare for challenges even while optimistic
- Build support network before you need it
If One Partner Is Hesitant
Your advantages:
- The hesitant partner’s concerns may identify real issues
- More thorough vetting of the decision
- Balanced perspective
Your risks:
- Resentment if the reluctant partner feels pressured
- Premature return if reluctant partner never fully commits
- Enthusiastic partner may feel held back
Your action plan:
- Address concerns systematically and thoroughly
- Do extended trial stays
- Move slowly and ensure genuine buy-in
- Establish clear agreements and exit strategies
- Consider whether compromise location or timeline would work better
If You’re Genuinely Divided
Your reality:
- This decision may not be right for you as a couple, at least not now
- Forcing it will damage your relationship
- Your relationship is more important than any location
Your options:
- Table the decision for now and revisit in 1-2 years
- Explore alternative options that might work for both partners
- Consider whether there’s a compromise (different location, part-time arrangement, etc.)
- Accept that this particular dream may not be compatible with your partnership
- Seek couples counseling to explore the deeper issues
Final Thoughts: Partnership Above Place
The decision to retire in Boquete as a couple isn’t just about whether Boquete is a good place—it’s about whether this decision strengthens or strains your partnership. The most beautiful mountain views and perfect climate mean nothing if your relationship suffers.
The couples who thrive in Boquete share certain characteristics:
- They made the decision together, not one dragging the other along
- They communicate openly about challenges and concerns
- They support each other through different adjustment timelines
- They maintain their relationship as a priority, not just logistics
- They’re flexible and willing to adjust plans based on reality
- They remember that they’re a team navigating this together
Boquete can be an extraordinary place for couples to enjoy retirement—exploring together, building new friendships, experiencing a different culture, and creating a lifestyle that reflects your shared values. But it only works if you’re genuinely in it together.
Take your time with this decision. Do your research. Visit multiple times. Talk honestly and deeply. Address concerns rather than dismissing them. And above all, remember that you’re partners first, and wherever you are together is home.
Ready to explore Boquete as a couple? Join our Boquete Relocation Accelerator course for comprehensive guidance, couple-specific resources, and expert support for making this decision together.
